21st April 2013. A day I will always remember as the day I finally realised I am fat. Yes, I am a woman, yes I admit something we women NEVER would admit in a bajillion years. I AM FAT. And you know, I’m finally not ok with it!
I have some lovely people in my life who say the right things:
You look lovely as you are
You don’t NEED to lose weight
Ah you JUST had a baby, give yourself a break!
All of these are lovely things to say, and I have wonderful friends. But you are wrong, my lovelies!
I don’t pay attention to BMI, what with my exceptional muscle and all that, but I do pay attention to ideal weight/height ratios. And when I weighed myself on my first wedding anniversary (and before I sat down for my anniversary delicious korma) I cried. I felt like I had been viciously slapped in the face. The realisation that I had somehow gained a ridiculous amount of weight by pure greed over the space of 6 years was mortifying. Mortifying, but eye opening.
I’m the girl who uses a million excuses for everything:
It’s dessert, I’m allowed!
I did a work out, now I should eat those calories
I’m happy in my relationship of course I eat!
I had a hard day, I should eat this
They only have 88 calories per bag, they’re good for me!
I can’t blame having a baby (9 months ago ahem) on any extra weight because I didn’t gain more than half a stone while pregnant and yet gained nearly two POST PREGNANCY. I mean, really?? Did I think those calories would continue to be burned by a baby without the baby in there?? I was just greedy. I am not ashamed to say that now!
Anyway, I took photos in my underwear so I could get a proper look. Of course, I dressed down Husband for not being honest when I
NB: This is NOT me, just an example…!
asked if my arse looked big. You all know Beyonce right?? He said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I’d rather be stung for five minutes than find out later! Of course, it’s not his fault, he loves me.
I took my photos and saved them to my laptop. Then I sat down and sobbed my eyes out. I felt ashamed, disgusted and just…stupid. How could I allow myself to be so greedy? I did sports for years, I know that I need to work off more calories than I consume to lose weight but I didn’t. No reason, no excuse, I just didn’t.
I didn’t take care of myself and the worst bit about it all, is that it’s MY fault. I don’t have an underlying medical condition. I don’t have a broken leg where I can’t exercise. I don’t have allergies to healthy food. I just love to eat. I eat when I’m hungry, I eat when I’m bored, I eat when I’m sad, I eat when I’m happy. I love food. I can eat crisps by the packet and I once even baked biscuits just because it was late at night and I had no snacks. I mean, REALLY??
After I sobbed for a while, I mentally slapped myself. I have a 9 month old, beautiful little girl. How is it going to be when I can’t run around after her? How can I teach her the value of eating fruits and vegetables and to have a balanced and varied diet if I can’t practice what I preach? Put simply, I can’t. I can’t tell her that sweets etc are only to be treats if I have them all the time. I can’t tell her she needs to eat all her greens if I don’t. I can’t tell her to go to sports classes if I spend my time eating and being a lazy moo. I have been overeating and under appreciating myself. In short, selfish!
It’s Time For Change!
So, I told Husband that the curry we shared for our anniversary was my last. He definitely didn’t believe me. The number of times I’ve moaned that I was overweight and yet didn’t go and do something about it are in the hundreds. I know, I am a flake (ahem, lazy) but this time…this time I mean it. Really!
I told him NOT to buy me the iPad mini for my birthday but I’d like an iPod and a gym membership instead. I told him that I wasn’t going to be buying shed loads of snacks on the shopping anymore. I joined MyFitnessPal and signed up to the local gym. I made a note of my weight as well as my goal weight. I’ve given myself a year to lose the 7 stone (100lbs minimum) that would bring me right into my ideal weight category. I do not want to go another year of marriage looking and feeling like a hippo. I don’t want to buy the bigger sized clothes. I want to buy pretty dresses for the summer. I just want to feel good about myself again.
I’ve already lost, in nine days, six pounds. This is a huge achievement. I’m swimming daily, attending AquaFit classes and walking up hills with barely a moan. I am eating healthily, usually under my calorie goal but still feeling full. In fact, I’m eating MORE now than I did previously. I’ve decided potatoes and bread are treats, as starchy carbs make me sleepy. I have fantastic friends supporting me, a wonderful husband behind me the whole way. And I am going to do this. Sophie will never ever know me as a fatty.
No more excuses. No more whining. In one year, I will post those disgusting “before” photos for the world to see: I will have the “after” photos to prove it can be done.
Just you wait.
